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Friday, December 28, 2007

Holiday Eating Tips

Happy Holidays,
My sister forwarded these to me via email. Perhaps you've already seen them. Karen and I thought they were worth sharing. Enjoy!

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffettable knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leaveimmediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-maltscotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can'tfind it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into aneggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Havetwo. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point ofgravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of yourmashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk orwhole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car withan automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to controlyour eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat otherpeople's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstance should you exercise between now and New Year's.You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the timefor long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carryinga 10-pound plate of food and a vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, likefrosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourselfnear them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the centerof attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or,if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always havethree. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with themandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have somestandards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the partyor get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; startover, but hurry, January is just around the corner.
Remember: Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arrivingsafely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways,chocolate in one hand, margarita in the other, body thoroughly used up, totallyworn out and screaming WOO HOO what a ride!

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